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The past week was filled with a ton of information. What caught my attention was the re-fresher information about the ‘ego’. No I will not reference Freud…for now. Ok, maybe just a little. We have heard about the -Id, Ego and Superego. The Ego is the rational mediator between the impulsive Id and judgemental superego. I will now attempt to draw you away from psychological analysis and into my simple thoughts. 

We have heard of phrases that people use when encountered by episodes that reek of someone’s ego -in leadership, friendship and relationships. -My ego is bruised. -Talent and ego cannot go hand in hand. -Leave your ego at the door. And much more. So where am I going with this? Hang in there dear reader…

This ego that exists, does so to serve a purpose. As with everything, it is important to have a balance. It can be a humbling thing or an enlightening thing. Here goes,

Everything

Grows

Old

Yes I did it! Acronyms reloaded. It occurred to me, how much our ego helps us to remain attached to things or people (whether good or bad) because we cannot imagine a situation without that thing. For example, ‘It hurts more to leave than to stay’ – therefore we stay in relationships that aren’t good for us. ‘It is very embarrassing to scream in public’ – we therefore avoid situations that require us to let loose and perhaps open our minds with new experiences. We become ‘comfortable’ because our ego might be fractured. 

Story time!

Echo and Narcissus

One day Echo sees Narcissus by chance and falls desperately in love with him. He, however, makes it clear that her love will never be reciprocated. Constantly pining for him Echo wastes away until all that remains of her is her voice.

Beautiful Narcissus, so loved and yet unloving, sees no one worthy of his love until he catches sight of an exquisite being in a pool of water as he bends down to take a drink. Filled with longing for the figure, he tries in vain to reach the person in the water. Eventually he recognizes it is himself and just as Echo suffered so does he: he too wastes away and his body is transformed into a delicate flower leaning over the edge of a pool.

There is more to the story above. It could be about vanity, relationships (personal/professional), or a host of other things. It is up to you to recognize when your ego is in the way of your growth. Why would you be your own stumbling block? I wonder…

The acronym came to me after analyzing the above scenarios. Why do we allow ourselves to be ruled by our egos? Yes, the ego serves a purpose. Don’t misquote me. However, as with everything else we experience, 

Everything

Grows 

Old 

With this in mind, not every battle is worth our blood and sweat right?

Have you ever had a song play on rewind throughout the day? Well, I hadn’t…not until yesterday. Many times we hear that we should always push our boundaries so that we know what we are truly capable of. Well, it’s true! Just know that today’s article is not in the style of H.I.K.E but it’s in the style of grATTITUDE…HOWEVER,  it will be short and to the point. Here goes.

I would like to believe that at some point, we have all heard the tale of the hare and tortoise. Well, I finally learnt the lesson from the tale…and yes, better late than never! This is what happened. As you read, please visualize the tortoise…slow…steady…moving…!

In the spirit of ‘trying new things’ and ‘testing my physical limits’, I did a half marathon and happily learnt a few things;

Success starts in the mind. My goal was the medal and I persevered through physical discomfort because of that goal. The magic of tunnel vision!

Your body will test you thoroughly! But your mind will carry you through the day. This brought to mind Victor Frankl who survived the Nazi concentration camps. (Go ahead and read his books – you will not be sorry).

You must learn to enjoy your own company. At some point as the run wore on, the participants began spacing out based on their speeds. This is where I found myself in the company of myself and my thoughts. It happened to be the day where I didn’t have my playlist jammed in my ears…you can imagine the thoughts! And the temptations to cheat and call an uber!

The sweetness of success lies in the journey that allows you to grow yourself to become the person that will enjoy the goal. I can tell you for sure, as I clung to the medal, I loved the physical feeling of having overcome the run. If I had cheated as I was earlier tempted to, the guilt wouldn’t have allowed me to celebrate.

At this point, let me bring in the song I mentioned before. I will go the distance – Michael Bolton. “I will find my way if I can be strong, I know every mile would be worth my while. When I go the distance, I’ll be right where I belong”. This song kept me going. This song made me smile at the memory of watching my closest friends grow, succeed and achieve their goals. This song made me smile, knowing I had a friend cheering me on at the finish line! I was the tortoise…and I loved it!

As promised, I have kept it short!

“Keep growing, keep glowing, keep going and keep soaring!”

― Germany Kent

It has taken time to write this article. Partly because of a lot of second guessing. But I think it is time to dive in.

In my previous article G.O.A.L.S, I encouraged y’all to Go Out And Learn Something. Simple, yes? ……NO! Not when you choose yourself as the lesson content!

A week ago, I had the pleasure of repeating a beloved destination – Hellsgate (Kenya). As I sat in the vehicle, I would occasionally turn to chat to my fellow passengers. As the ride wore on, I started comparing the scenery from the different sides of the car. As human perception would have it, my window didn’t seem to have a nice view, so my neck had to get used to one position for most of the ride. Why is it so? Why does it seem that the ‘other’ side, person, view, experience is better than where we currently stand/sit? I’ll tell you…perception! The perception that the ‘other’ is better.

On the same trip, at some point, I was on a bike slowly enjoying the ride through the park…looking at the resident herbivores calmly a few metres away. Lost in my world, I heard someone say, ‘Lets catch up so that we aren’t left behind’…and I found myself cycling for my life…! When I got to thinking about it, I wondered why I had to catch up…there was no clock, no race, no prize…plus, the speed didn’t allow me to savour the wildlife that I zoomed past. Why is it so? Why did it seem that we all had to cycle quickly? There were other teams so in terms of safety, I wouldn’t have been alone in the wild. I’ll tell you….perception! The perception that going against the grain wouldn’t be taken well.

I have not any words of wisdom for you

I have not any words of consolation for you

All I have is,

“What is behind your eyes holds more power than what is in front of them.”

 Gary Zukav

From what I have written, I would like to think that I’m not the only one who experiences such…and also that we are aware of ourselves when we have such ‘reactive’ moments. The moments that have the question ‘What will others think?’

At the end of that trip, I kept on asking myself, what if I had followed my heart while on the bike? What if I had appreciated my side of the window instead of craning my neck to see through the other side? What if I had been true to myself?

What if?

In my previous article Clues, I shared the life lessons I learnt while on a hike to a scenic part of my country. Well, this week there’s no difference. 

Twas a cold cold morning on 30th March. I stretched and eagerly looked forward to the great outdoors. I could tell it was a day I will never forget. (we have a lot of those nowadays…don’t we?). Ok, end of composition, let me get cracking! 

This particular day had us heading to a diatomite mine in an area that is known for its coldness. So of course, as the wardrobe would dictate, warm gear was donned. Have you ever travelled with people who say “It’s not far, it’s just here”. Well, ‘just here’ turned out to be almost 1 hour and some minutes!. …I will revisit this phrase somewhere later in this article…. Anyway, the sights of daily life provided for an interesting road experience.

Let me cut the story short and just say, we reached and started hiking. And as we all know, hiking has various mental stages. Let me attempt to outline them, and to also infuse the life lessons I gained along the way.

Phase 1 – the scheduling.

Oh this is full of excitement. A ton of research about the destination, because really, we all want a great photo for memories, right? Right. This stage is also riddled with a lot of self-questioning such as – Will I really make it through? – Is it really worth all the tiredness I foresee? – Will I make a friend? – Will it be fun? …and of course, – what snacks will I carry? 

In life, we also have this phase of questioning, and it is in this phase where you see the first glimpse of yourself. Are you a go-getter? Do you encourage yourself? Do you have a plan for the people you will meet along the way? Do you walk in blindly to any situation and hope that it will all work out? 

Phase 2 – the commitment

This one is filled with some trepidation. When I commit, I’ll have to show up and follow through. After all, cancelling is quite costly.

In life, once you are done with the scheduling, you enter the commitment phase whereby you have to either do it with money or psychologically. Whatever the situation may be, once you commit, you feel the push to follow through. After all, who doesn’t like ticking the bucket list they have for their lives?

Phase 3 – the actual hike

This one has its own mini-phases!

You start the hike full of hope and trust in the gear you have invested in. Full of excitement because you are among like-minded individuals. Full of stories because you are getting to know each other.

As the hike continues, you enter the phase of taking photos, because, who knows when you’ll return here? Poses galore. Mini outdoor studios all over – on rocks, grass, next to trees and so on. At this phase, all you feel is happiness – especially when the camera captures your good side!

Here comes the silent phase. – Exactly how far is this place we’re going to? – There’s no shortcut? – Why are there so many rocks on the ground? – Why is it so hot?

This phase ends when you reach your destination and have as many photos as your tested body can allow.

Therein loads the toughest of all. You are too far to go back and too far from the finish line. You dig into your reserves of resilience. They threaten to run low. Humming a song in your head doesn’t help. You look around and you can only lean on the motivation from the fellow hikers. Some keep saying ‘It’s not far, it’s just here’…and that was 2 hours ago! You bow and resolve to finish what you have started.

The light at the end of the tunnel shines brighter. Climbing a vehicle has never felt so exciting. You have achieved your goal of the day. Your feet are screaming and you can hear your little toenail whispering – I’m sorry I tried to hang on, but I will grow again!.

The actual hike mirrors the journey of our lives. We rely on our preparations to see us through our various commitments. Sometimes we don’t always succeed, but we know our goal and we therefore push on. When you feel like taking short-cuts, when you wonder why you are so alone, do you reach out to your friends who are just there waiting for you to ask for help? Do you appreciate those who hold your hand and guide you- reminding you of the bigger goal? Do you hold onto Him? He is the best cushion of all.

Phase 4 – reflection.

I can’t believe I did it! What’s the next goal? 

Life is like that isn’t it? When you have achieved your goal, the memories of the suffering subside and your mind is full of celebration. You already start planning for your next conquest, after all, who pays heed to their suffering when their goal has been achieved?

As you read the 4 phases, were you able to identify where you were? Lean on your like-minded friends. ‘It’s not far, it’s just here’.

I finish this article with an acronym. H.I.K.E

Happiness

Is

Kindred

Energy

…Onto the next conquest!

Hello and happy new year!…I’ll keep this short…and hopefully sweet-ish.

Last year was a year of growth. Personal growth. Some of it was on purpose, while other times, it was a baptism of fire. However, to repeat the famous line, ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’…and I can truly say I developed some mental and psychological muscle from the year that was.

While we are still in the year that was, it popped in my mind how names and their meaning come about. Let me take you on a journey…!

I have a colleague whom we used to chat a lot with during the covid-19 lockdown. All news items had the word ‘quarantine’…and as humor would have it, we started calling each other ‘Quarantina’ to make light of the situation that was enough to drive anyone cuckoo. As you can imagine, the name stuck! (Cheers to you Quarantina!). And last year it was used quite a few times.

Recently, the word ‘procrastination’ has been heavy in my vocabulary. Do you see where I am going with this? Yes! The name derived from it is ‘Procrastina’. This time round, my colleague isn’t there to add humor to it. But such is providence, because being ‘Procrastina’, has no humor. We all know that procrastination doesn’t bear any fruit. It does not allow you to acquire any skills whatsoever. It is only a temporary comfort. Perhaps the only upside is that you save today’s unused energy for tomorrow…because, who knows? Let me try some poetry.

The land of tomorrow holds such promise.

It is the home of many dreams

It is the home of ‘will be’

…Tomorrow I will wake up early…

…Tomorrow I will finish reading the book I started last year…

…Tomorrow I will catch up with my long lost friend…

…Tomorrow I will start building my relationship with God…

…and my personal favorite!…Tomorrow I will practice for 2 hours…

I could keep going…perhaps tomorrow!

We all have the same 24 hours available to us. Some of us seem to have an extra 3 hours, perhaps because of all they are achieving. We lose so much when we procrastinate. But you are only aware of this at a time when there is no tomorrow.

Reach out to that friend…

Practice your craft daily…

Don’t put off things for tomorrow…

Get healthy today…

….etc…

If you are ‘Procrastina’, please become ‘Promptina’.

Some weeks ago I had the pleasure of learning a new skill…or I should say, I tried to learn a new skill! 

Skating had always been on my bucket-list and ticking it was such an achievement…small but quite exciting. On the rink, on the wheels, I have never felt so out of control. Apparently the movement of the wheels can be controlled by the skater, but to a beginner, they seem to have a mind of their own. As I toddled on, my teacher kept saying, “If you forget everything, just remember to reach for your knees when you feel yourself falling”. I took this to mean that ‘reaching for my knees’ meant finding stability. Something to hang onto when all else is out of your control. Simple, right? Reaching for the knees seemed like such an unnatural thing to do, because when you feel yourself falling, your arms flail around hoping to break the fall. At least mine do…

Let me get to my point. But before that, yes I fell.

I go back to what my teacher said….’reach for your knees when you feel yourself falling’. That phrase has stayed on my mind because it occurred to me how it can work in just about all scenarios we live through. Let me try to expound.

Sample scenario

You have gone to class because learning never stops. Right? In walks the teacher and all you hear is gibberish instead of the new language you hope to learn. You start to panic and question your existence on this planet. Once the panic subsides, you feel yourself becoming more receptive to the class.

How did the panic subside? I believe it’s because you ‘reached for your knees’. You realised that you could easily translate what was being taught to a language you could process until you are ready to converse without translation.

Making sense?

What do you do when you are ‘reaching for your knees’? How do you find stability in the chaos?

“The most powerful force in the universe is compound interest.” 

– Attributed to Albert Einstein.

Today I will be a little technical…and then I will say why. On my current reading list is ‘The Psychology of money’. It highlights that our interactions with money are a behavioral thing based on our past experiences. We all know that our perceptions have a big impact on all our experiences. It is in this book that I was reminded of compounding – in simple terms – Compounding is the repeated addition of interest payments to the principal invested over a period of time. The principal grows exponentially as each new payment of interest is added to it (Investopedia).

As I was reading this, it occurred to me that compounding not only relates to money, but also relates to all other areas in our lives. Do you smell a superimposition? I do! I’ll keep it brief. We have bank accounts or piggy banks or m-banks in our phones…at least I hope so!

Interpersonal relationships – The different relationships we have with each other, operate on the same principle of compounding. We hold a proverbial bank account with each person we often interact with. Every positive thing we do, whether small or big, is a deposit into that account, and every negative thing that we do, whether small or big, is a withdrawal from that account. 

Have you ever encountered a person who just seems to drain you and doesn’t seem keen on making a deposit into the proverbial bank account? These people are often referred to as takers. All they do is take…take…take. Don’t get me wrong…taking is not bad…but you have to balance with the giving. If the scale is skewed heavily on the giving, the two people in the relationship will not encounter an overdrawn account. 

Giving does not have to be financial…it can be anything from support, time, love, warmth etc…Are you still following? When we ensure that we don’t have overdrawn interpersonal accounts, we are able to solve disputes, grow and heal together. 

Just as an account can be overdrawn to the point of closure, so too are the interpersonal relationships we have.

I promised to keep it brief, so I will stop there with some thoughts.

Do you have any ‘account’ that is on the verge of being overdrawn? Make a deposit.

Do you have any ‘account’ that is running on empty? Perhaps you need to close it.

Do you have any ‘account’ that has the potential to grow? Perhaps you need to open it!

Have a compounding week.